Interview with an Ex-Fundie: Meet Anne

Meet Anne, a Bible-believing Christian who was raised in fundamentalism.

What sort of church(es) did you attend while in fundamentalism? 

It was basically a fundamentalist mega church. It had its own school, and it easily developed into its own culture. (You see the same people six days a week—five days in school and at least once on Sunday. They see all your choices, everything you wear, every word you say.)

Was patriarchy (male headship) present in your home, church, or relationships with other people? If so, how did it make you feel at the time? How do you feel about patriarchy now? 

Fundamentalism has a sickeningly low view of women: Congratulations, you have a womb. I understand that, however much we like to think of equality, this is still very much a man’s world; but I am strongly against fundamentalism’s subpar view of women. Yes, patriarchy was very strong in my church and relationships. It made me feel inferior, which was utterly ridiculous considering the people I was being subjected to. I was an above average student in high school and college, but yet I was supposed to be “under” people whose intellects were inferior to mine. It was very disappointing. I also recall one time in college when I presented a plea to do a fundraiser for a project I was working on, and I got turned down rather unceremoniously. As a last resort, I had a guy in my group go talk to the administration; he got it cleared the first time he asked. Also on a humorous note, I worked in a department during college, and a guest visited our office, which was made up of mostly men. When I walked in, the ultra conservative guest had his back to the door and was going on about how good it was to see an office full of men.

Interview with an Ex-Fundie: Meet Erin

Cartoon provided by Erin

Meet Erin:
Despite a degree in religious studies and office management, Erin is a SEO and online marketing consultant, and married to a future MD.  Together they have two children, one dog, and toys all over the floor most of the time.  She blogs at naturallyerin.com

What do you consider your current worldview/religious beliefs to be?
After much study and consideration, I follow the Jesus of the Bible who taught that love for others is one of the greatest gifts you can offer the world.

How did you become involved with Christian Fundamentalism?
I perhaps have a unique situation in that I was not raised in fundamentalism.  I grew up in a very sincere non-fundamental home attending a Bible / Christian Missionary Alliance Church with my parents.  Growing up in churches like that, it was demonstrated to me that God is good and loving and that He extends grace freely to everyone.  Church attendees, pastors and staff were all equal and on first-name basis with each other.  I never remember thinking that the pastor or anyone else held any higher position than another.

When I was 17, the pastor of the Alliance church we attended left, and due to the influence of close family friends who were members of an IFB* church, my parents were persuaded to visit and later joined their church.

Article: Growing Tired of Atheism

Please read the original here. The comments add so much to the overall point, as usual, so take time to read those as well.

I was pleasantly surprised to come across this article. It seems I'm not the only one who is becoming disgruntled with the nastiness that goes on amongst some atheists. I'm not an atheist, but that's beside the point. Dividing people up into groups and then lambasting them for not thinking the same way you do is fundamentalism, regardless of the religious context. Many atheists are very nice and could care less what other people believe. I know a few of these people - they're wonderful! Then, there are those who make a huge deal out of being anti-religion and enjoy slamming everyone who doesn't agree with them - this is wrong. Christians don't get the right to lord it over non-Christians; atheists don't get to lord it over non-atheists; nobody gets to lord it over people who disagree with them. Simple.

Ex-Fundies, Identity, & Finding Balance

I keep up with several ex-fundie blogs, many of which can be found on my blogroll. Most of these blogs are written by women who have left their backgrounds in Christian fundamentalism and embraced new ways of living. Many have left religion altogether; others have moved to more mainstream realms of Christianity where they focus on love instead of rules. I enjoy reading each person's story and seeing how their lives have changed (for the better) since making the fateful decision to leave fundamentalism. Some of them have moved on more easily than others, and it shows in their writing.

It isn't hard to spot who is still flaming mad. Vendettas and bitterness show through as they address their past (this isn't surprising, since many of their pasts are quite horrible). The term ex-fundie is an integral part of their identity. Their writing is predominantly angry and/or negative, and they tend to lump the people who disagree with them into one bad lump. Sadly, I think their anger blinds them to many things and leads them to say and do things that are more harmful than helpful. If you've kept up with my blog in the past, you may feel I just described myself. It's a fair point to make, and I won't deny that I went through the flaming-mad phase for quite awhile (as addressed here).

In contrast, some of the authors make it clear that they have cooled off.

Article: The Thaw, Evangelical Teens, and Persecution Complexes

Please read the article here and proceed to enjoy the comments - they are wonderful (as always).

Love this person's comment:

"Why can’t I pray in school?"

You can. Go ahead. Bow your head in the classroom or cafeteria and start praying. As long as you're not being loud and disruptive while you're doing it, nobody will do anything to stop you.

"Why do I have to check my religion at the door?"

This is hilarious to me, given that nobody questions a child wearing crosses or T-shirts with Bible verses on them, but the second a kid comes into school wearing a pentacle, Om, or hijab, there's a huge stink about it. Christians aren't the ones who have to "check their religion at the door;" it's everybody else.

"Why can’t I write about God in my school papers?"

I have never heard of anyone receiving even the slightest reprimand for writing about God. Writing about how your religion's rules should apply to people who aren't members of your religion is not "writing about God."

"Why do I have to tolerate people cursing my God, but I am not allowed to talk about God and my faith?"

Article: Domestic Violence in the IFB Church Movement

Please read the article here.

"Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone."

This goes on in IFB circles ALL the time. I saw it go on in friends' household when I was a child. I watched it go on at the Baptist college I attended. I watched college friends go through it. I experienced it personally in at least one major friendship in the past. People I hold very dear have gone through so much abuse at the hands of fundamentalism.

Article: I Love You and You are an Abomination

I can sympathize with this man's words. The "love" often proffered by friends and family can be deeply hurtful (and annoying). Read here.

Article: Servanthood & Suffering v Equality & Justice

When a Gospel of Servanthood and Suffering Stands in the Way of Equality and Justice

When you teach people to live their lives focused on what they will get in the next life, you can lead them into doing all kinds of things. Happiness awaits in the next life, but only if they are willing to suffer greatly in this one. Why try to get ahead in life? Why try to find happiness and enjoy yourself? Nothing here on earth matters, so why bother? This is a very sad state of affairs. There is much here on earth, in the every day things we experience, that is beautiful and heavenly. The only purpose to having people stay focused on the next world is so they will more readily forget what their lives are here on earth. Makes it very easy to get good, honest people to work themselves to death for a cause, stay dirt poor and give to an institution (which may or may not use those funds for the true good of their fellow humans [I'm not speaking against charity, rather the abuse of it that has gone on for centuries in the Catholic church and others]), and submit themselves to leadership that will tell them they are filthy and worthless without Christ and should therefore gladly give all they have so they might receive rewards in the next life.

Mississippi High School Forces Fundie Messages on Students

Insanity. Read the story here.
Can I say total disregard for the law? Kidnapping teenagers was one of the stupidest things they could have done. Teenagers have cameras, phones, ipods, and who knows what else. Did they honestly think it wouldn't get out? I suppose that the most likely scenario is that they thought the risk (jail and fines) was worth getting the name of Jesus out to the teenagers. That's sad.

Looking Back & Moving Forward

If you read the earliest posts on this blog, you'll quickly realize there was a time when I practically hated all things religious and many things spiritual. I was angry and bitter after spending the first 20 or so years of my life in fundamental Christianity. The day the blindfold came off, I began realizing the many things I had learned, seen, been part of, and had done to me that were wrong. The lies, the imposed guilt, the many options I should have had but didn’t because of my upbringing. The many evils done in the name of my former religion that had been swept under the rug by fellow Christians. So very many things crossed my mind and fueled my anger.

As I look back, I realize my anger was one of the five steps of loss and grief. The five stages are denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (I pulled my list and quote from this site). They don’t necessarily occur in a specific order and you can move through them several times. I’m going to list the stages in the order that I experienced them.

Before I officially renounced my faith, I went through the first stage of denial and isolation.