Finding My Voice

I pulled out of the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement (and Christianity as a whole) in the fall of 2011 - that's roughly thirty one months ago. My beliefs have changed so much during that time frame. Who I am has changed, and I'm very thankful for that fact. I'm happier. I'm healthier. I'm more confident. My spirituality is more fulfilling. I've found my voice and am no longer afraid to use it. Life is better.

Christian fundamentalism greatly stunted my personal growth. I've only recently realized how greatly it stunted my ability to use my voice. For starters, fundamentalism did its best to prevent me from developing my individuality. Self-aware individuals don't conform to rigid rules and certainly don't do well with one-size-fits-all doctrine. Individuals realize the world doesn't fit into a box. Individuals use their voice to ask questions. Questions are dangerous if they remain unchecked. A child may except pat answers, but when that child grows up, his questions will not so easily be set aside. Fundamentalism prides itself in having the answer to everything, even if that answer is "God's ways are not man's ways" or "God knows best." Receiving an answer like that was very unsatisfying, but it usually was enough to shut me up because I didn't want to appear to be questioning God or the authority of the person whom I'd asked. Asking too many questions got you in trouble or, at the least, caused people to find you annoying and troublesome. I asked too many questions anyway, though, and didn't get enough answers.

I can recall puzzling through matters of theology as a college student. Homework assignments designed to help me better understand my faith only made it more puzzling. One particular event stands out in my mind. I had been studying the arguments for and against predestination and free will and thought I'd had a breakthrough moment of understanding. I wanted to share my discovery with other people so I did my best to put it into words (which was long and complicated to do) and then put in Facebook. Immediately I got backlash from fundamentalist friends who disagreed; ultimately I chose to take down what I'd written. I satw then and there that a hole-proof, Biblical argument that reconciled predestination and free will didn't exist. That was one of many things that I realized were not as hole-proof as fundamentalism declared/needed them to be. My faith was crumbling,

Brief Thoughts on "The Will of God"

She has a very good point.... 
When anyone (my past self included) presumes to know the will of God - be it from a sudden realization, from a passage of Scripture they read, whatever - their knowledge is tainted by their personal views, desires, experiences. So, what is the difference here between Christians and non-Christians? Non-Christians have sudden epiphanies and then tell people, "Hey! I just had a great idea! I've been thinking about this for awhile, and after a lot of research, counsel, and trouble-shooting, I now know what I should do." Christians have the same epiphany experience and tell people, "Hey! Guess what God showed me today! Yup, He definitely revealed His will to me. Praise God for showing a sinner like me what He wants for my life!"
It's not that they have a very different experience, just that one person has the guts to take responsibility for their work and ideas while the other group claims it's divinely inspired and now a holy quest. Conversely, when the non-Christian discovers he/she was wrong about the former decision/action, they can take responsibility for the mistake and change the course of action. If the Christian feels he/she was in the wrong, either they must think God had a bad idea (blasphemy!) or His once-so-clear guiding was grossly misunderstood, and if the Christian so grossly misunderstood things, well, he must be "living in sin" or something, right? 
Personally, in my past, I would read through the Bible regularly, study it through outside writing about it, and pray to God every day - I wanted to know His will. As I read and prayed, I thought about everything I saw and felt, and from those experiences I drew conclusions about what was the right thing to do, and considered it to be God's will. Then later on down the road, when I realized that my original conclusion was wrong, I would feel confused (it had been so clear before, and that was what Scripture had said) and then feel a sense of guilt for being such a sinful idiot for misunderstanding things. After all, God wasn't cruel and vindictive enough to lead me on or hide His perfect will from one of His children... was He? If I sought Him earnestly and did as His Bible told me to do, was I not following Him and considered to be His child? Consider this passage:

Brief Thoughts on God

Who is God? People seem to make Him what they want Him to be, whether it's holy and loving or vengeful and incredibly strict. Mohammad obviously thought God was in tune with his sexual desires when he wrote that men in heaven got so many virgins for their pleasure. The men who wrote the Old Testament wrote of a God who demanded blood sacrifices and chose them - Israel - to dominate Canaan and slaughter those who got in the way. The God written about in the New Testament is partially the same God from the OT, but He's suddenly more loving and merciful. Perhaps this is where the confusion over the love and mercy of free will vs the strict, harshness of predestination comes from, this apparent duality in nature, but that's a topic for another time. Islam, Judaism, and Christianity do share some characteristics in the description of their god, but each religion puts its own spin on who he is, what he expects, and why he did/does things a certain way. Most religions seem to claim that their god is perfect and holy, which, if nothing else, shows mankind's universal desire to attain perfection. Also, mankind worships the most perfect people and things it can find - that is true all throughout history and very obvious still today. People have varied ideas of perfection, and many times it simply reflects who they are as well as who they wish they were. The religions of the world seem to reflect this observation, as the religions are as varied as the people who propagate and follow them.